Things that Annoy Me

Don’t worry, I’m only listing a few things that annoy me this week. A full list of Things That Annoy Me would be quite the lengthy tome. I’ve either got to find time to do a lot more ranting, or maybe try to dial down the irritation filter. But what fun would that be?

How to Tell if You’re a Basic Bitch This video was extremely enlightening to me. I’ve often railed against the Borings…people with no edge, no sense of humor, and who are nauseatingly predictable with their interests and preferences (see: white people & running, white women and Sex & the City, Seattle-ites and hiking, etc.). I was delighted to find there is a category for these women. Because if there’s one thing I love, it’s labels and stereotypes, they are timesavers and make for efficient communication. Example, “Why don’t you like X’s girlfriend?” “Uhm, it’s hard to explain, but she’s so boring, and only talks about runnning/hiking/yoga, she has no sense of humor..” But now I can just say, “Because she’s a basic bitch.” Bazinga!

The World’s Toughest Job is in a Fish Cannery in Alaska Full disclosure, I didn’t even watch this whole video, I didn’t need to waste anymore time raising my annoyance level. But if there’s one thing that REALLY annoys me (worse than soup-slurping and slow drivers) it’s the need to announce just how HARD being a MOM is. I’m flummoxed as to why women need to keep flogging this dead horse. Part of my problem is semantics: it’s not a “job.” A job is something you have to actively attempt to get, you have to avoid being fired, and without it you’d likely starve or be homeless. Parenting is a lifestyle choice. It’s a lot harder to sound as smug when you are proclaiming that “being a mom is the hardest lifestyle choice there is.” And yes, parts of being a parent are hard, and challenging, and it is certainly quite different in many respects than other things I’ve done. It is definitely the most constant thing I’ve ever done. But I don’t really see the point of making sure everyone else knows that it’s difficult. Is there really a debate, a faction of people claiming “Motherhood is easy peasy?” But this is a slippery slope into the Mommy Wars and I’m trying to claim Conscientious Objector status in order to avoid those wars.

Babies in Sunglasses. There are some concepts that are pretty good on their own, but when joined together become amazing. Like chocolate and peanut butter, or Penn and Teller. There are other concepts that are pretty good on their own but when put together pretty much cancel out any redeeming qualities. Like breakfast burritos. I love breakfast, and I love burritos. But a breakfast burrito is neither breakfast nor a burrito, and has none of the wonderful qualities of either. I don’t even recognize the existence of a breakfast burrito because I cannot comprehend the need for its existence. Baby sunglasses are another example. Babies can be adorable and wonderful, and goodness knows I love sunglasses and cannot be apart from mine. However babies in sunglasses is so ridiculous that I can’t comprehend the point. Slap on a floppy sun hat, put up a sun shade, let your baby squint. Eat a hearty breakfast or have a burrito for lunch. Spare the poor baby. Unless of course you are an over-protective helicopter parent or you are taking an ironic photo of your baby in sunglasses and a fedora for a Blues Brothers party. Then carry on.

Phew, ranting over. I feel much better now, thank you for enabling this catharsis.

I’m a “Real Mom!”

I had so much fun writing a post of my favorite baby products for The Wise Baby today, go check it out! Every Wednesday they publish “Real Moms Wednesday,” featuring different mom’s favorite products. When I was pregnant my Amazon baby list grew weekly just from these features. The Wise Baby also has tons of product reviews, comparisons, and helpful tips on registries.

Check out my favorite things here: Rose’s top ten

Meanwhile, from her jumperoo headquarters, Miri continues to plot world domination.

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Maybe she should start with the dachshunds…

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What I’m reading this week

I wish I could say I was reading more than this, but my Kindle has been dead for over a week. I’m sure it’s been dead far longer than that but I didn’t know it, since there isn’t much time for reading in this baby-centered universe of nursing/diapers/napping that I’m living in. But there’s always time for the internet, thanks to small portable devices from Apple!

Magic formula for baby names – I love names, thinking about names, making lists of names, mocking others for their choices of trendy, yooneek names.

Things no one tells you before you have a baby – I got pretty tired of these lists, sometimes it just seems like people are trying to scare you or gross you out but what can you do? NOT have your baby? This article is pretty spot on however, especially the part about how it takes five hours to watch a movie and you may never eat hot food again.

The Meanest Mother in the World – Love this blog post. I had a baby so I could be someone’s mother, I have enough friends.

You Are a Good Mama – You are.

The Daily Snark

Thomas the Tank Engine has always creeped me out, but I’ve never been able to adequately explain my dislike for it. I mean, it’s British, and I love British things. This article spells it out much more deftly that I could articulate. So now I’m adding Thomas the Tank Engine to the Official List of Things I Vow to Never Allow in My House When I Reproduce. Topping the list, in case you’re curious, are these obnoxious rubber mats that parents cover their floors in the moment the spawn drops.

barf on the floor

Oh my eyes.

Is there something about about having children that robs you of every appropriate esthetic sense?

I did a bit of googling and discovered, both to my relief and chagrin, that these mats are available in a host of other colors, from black to faux wood-grain. I am relieved because if my children happen to be particularly clumsy or heavy-headed and persist and throwing themselves on the floor, head-first, at least I will have some acceptable alternative to attempt to protect them (helmets come to mind). But I am a bit chagrined to learn of these less nausea-inducing alternatives because then whatever possessed parents to make their floors so hideous?! I don’t even want to hear the ‘educational’ argument. Somehow I learned to read and write without monstrous (and out-of-order) pieces of rubber to break my fall when my heavy noggin dragged me to the ground time after time.

Another article that amused me today is this one, The 40 Worst-Dressed Cities in America. Overall it’s a stupid article, one of those “how should we fill blank space” pieces because everyone loves a list and choosing a subjective topic like that means nothing has to be substantiated. However, I love that Boston is chosen as #1, since I once knew someone who moved from Seattle to Boston and one of her main complaints with Seattle was how terribly everyone dressed. She couldn’t wait to live in a city where people “dressed for dinner” and “fashion is a priority.” So neener neener to her.  I also kinda agree with the editors’ statements on St. Paul and Pittsburgh, although I find those traits about both cities to be endearing.

Monday links

Here’s a list of links from about the interwebs of things I am thinking about this week:

I’m going to wash my face with oil.

I’m not going to use shampoo or conditioner anymore. Gross, huh?

I’m going to cook like a mo’fo for one day a month. Matt is understandably nervous about the massive Once a Month Clean-up that will follow the Once a Month Cook day, but hopefully the fully-stocked freezer and a less-stressed Rosebuttons will impress him.

Dog food, delivered right to my door! Got my first delivery today, and so far I love this service. The manager/owner has responded to my questions on email right away, even special-ordered the weenie’s favorite treats, and delivered to me two days ahead of schedule because I realized how fast my piglets pups devour their food.

Considering all my options. I am not a happy nurse right now.

chainmail weenie