25 weeks

I’ve been meaning to update this blog for a while now, mostly just for myself so I refer back someday and remember all these crazy thoughts and feelings that are running through my pregnant mind. It all seems so immediate and relevant right now, but I suppose someday I might wonder when morning sickness (i.e. all-day-queasiness) finally started to go away (around week 16) and when I started feeling the baby move (around week 18/19). I might want to know when I started to reconcile my terror and snark of the Mommy Club with the dissonance of actually becoming a mom (I haven’t yet). I’ll definitely want to refer back to my thoughts on things that I will NEVER do as a mom, once I become a hypocrite like the best of them. Because of course, I’m the best parent in the world right now (everyone is, before they have kids). I’ll write a post with a whole list in the near future, perhaps a manifesto if you will, but topping the list at this point are: I will NOT refer to myself in the third person and I will NEVER own a jogging stroller. And I will ALWAYS leave a restaurant if my child starts squawking.

One thing that has started to change, only just very recently, is that babies interest me a bit more. I just have to say, I love puppies. I have never seen a puppy that didn’t make me squeal involuntarily. Pretty much, the whole world loves a puppy. There is no such thing as an ugly puppy, seriously. That said, there is no way I can find babies as singularly adorable and universally precious as puppies. Because there ARE ugly babies. There are gross babies, there are just plain bad photos of babies. I can guarantee you that when I’m out with Ardie I hear more gasps and “awwwws” than I would if I had a human baby with me. So pretty much, other people’s human babies didn’t interest me. I was a bit worried once I got pregnant and still found myself uninterested in other people’s babies. But lately I find my head turning to check other babies…it may be more of a scientific interest at this point than a generalized “awww” but it’s something. My husband and I remind ourselves and hope we continue to remind ourselves that no one will ever find our baby as interesting and adorable as we do, no matter how many repetitive, slightly blurry, bad-angled photos of baby’s first boringness we will post on Facebook. (Please don’t let me post such photos. I beg you.) And also, puppies are still cuter. Don’t get me wrong, I still desperately wanted my own baby, my own family, and I’m beyond excited to be having this little one. I also just desperately want to cling to a sense of perspective…I hope one doesn’t lose that along with the placenta, moments after birth.

In the interest of over-sharing, here’s a picture of my insides. You should feel privileged, as I wouldn’t even show you a shot of the OUTSIDE of my bare belly, and here’s the INSIDE of it. Don’t feel obligated to ooh or ahh (she’s not a puppy, after all!) because I’m the first to admit the image is a bit other-worldly and nearly creepy. But I still happen to think it’s pretty damn cool.

20-week ultrasound