The Daily Snark

Thomas the Tank Engine has always creeped me out, but I’ve never been able to adequately explain my dislike for it. I mean, it’s British, and I love British things. This article spells it out much more deftly that I could articulate. So now I’m adding Thomas the Tank Engine to the Official List of Things I Vow to Never Allow in My House When I Reproduce. Topping the list, in case you’re curious, are these obnoxious rubber mats that parents cover their floors in the moment the spawn drops.

barf on the floor

Oh my eyes.

Is there something about about having children that robs you of every appropriate esthetic sense?

I did a bit of googling and discovered, both to my relief and chagrin, that these mats are available in a host of other colors, from black to faux wood-grain. I am relieved because if my children happen to be particularly clumsy or heavy-headed and persist and throwing themselves on the floor, head-first, at least I will have some acceptable alternative to attempt to protect them (helmets come to mind). But I am a bit chagrined to learn of these less nausea-inducing alternatives because then whatever possessed parents to make their floors so hideous?! I don’t even want to hear the ‘educational’ argument. Somehow I learned to read and write without monstrous (and out-of-order) pieces of rubber to break my fall when my heavy noggin dragged me to the ground time after time.

Another article that amused me today is this one, The 40 Worst-Dressed Cities in America. Overall it’s a stupid article, one of those “how should we fill blank space” pieces because everyone loves a list and choosing a subjective topic like that means nothing has to be substantiated. However, I love that Boston is chosen as #1, since I once knew someone who moved from Seattle to Boston and one of her main complaints with Seattle was how terribly everyone dressed. She couldn’t wait to live in a city where people “dressed for dinner” and “fashion is a priority.” So neener neener to her.  I also kinda agree with the editors’ statements on St. Paul and Pittsburgh, although I find those traits about both cities to be endearing.

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